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ELSEWHERE

My Icon Is So Fitting...

My icon is so fitting to my mood. "Elsewhere", as I am, elsewhere. Elsewhere in mind, eslewhere in spirit - somewhere far away. I have been sucked back into my own world, my little imagination that means oh so very much to me.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could go back to when Xena episodes were new and I was dying to go to a convention and I was showing horses and riding all the time and going to dance class and memorizing monologues.

I would do it all over again if I could. I would do better in school. I would find a way to get into barrel racing. I would obsess less over Xena and other shows because it would hurt less knowing these people aren't real and aren't my friends.

I wouldn't go to New York, not because I didn't have a wonderful time there, but because I had too much of a wonderful time there. If I had known that leaving would have meant I would be depressed for the rest of my life, I would have sacrificed the happiest time of my life (which was NYC and LA) so that I would not be the saddest of my whole life now.

I miss my horse. I wish I could create a deeper connection with her. I'm lucky if I see her once a week. I wish I could just get on her and ride her all the way to LA. I wonder how long that would take. When I GET to LA, it's no problem. I'll have a place to keep her and jobs to support me. It's the GETTIING there that's expensive and improbably at the moment.

Enough rambling. I'll have a real update coming soon.
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